DCSF: Department for Controlling Seagull Faeces?

Wine and good food are great motivators! In London, at the imposing Institute of Directors in Pall Mall on Tuesday evening, the wine flowed freely and the conversation sparkled. So naturally I was happy to be as motivated as anyone could wish. As glass after glass was filled, I felt that there was plenty to be motivated about. The first 34 Trust Schools are coming to the end of their initial year of operation; there are now plans for a huge expansion of the scheme and we are involved in spreading the message. The dinner for Trust partners was about creating a national network- an exciting new source of expertise and energy.

We were represented at the dinner to develop a national network of Trust partners by our own partner, Capita Children’s Services. Both Phil Neale, Mr SIMS himself- the inventor of the data programmes that are now used in running the administration of most of the country’s schools, and Brian Hodge, our committed and hard working Trustee and Governor, attended in support. So did Mike Billington, our knowledgeable Chair of Governors who, I’m sure, could win on Mastermind on the topic, Trust Schools and how to become one.

I was almost late because I foolishly invited my wife into the Institute to admire the grandeur of the building which really is imposing. But instead of gazing respectfully at the chandeliers and portraits, she embarked on a thirty minute conversation with the receptionist about the current bizarre school holiday patterns and the meaning of the term DCSF- the new initials for the Education Department.

How to remember the order of the letters, never mind what they stand for? I use cows, sheep and frogs. I’ve heard less polite company refer to them as: ‘catching smelly farts.’ But in view of our recent hoax award my vote goes for: ‘controlling seagull faeces.’

But did the Institute of Directors’ receptionist need to know all this as I waited to be shown the meeting room? He thought so- more easily distracted than a Year 10 student in a Friday afternoon class.

By the end of an evening of networking and speeches, we had answered lots of questions about our Trust and the quality of the work Capita Children’s Services are doing with us. As we were about to leave- Brian and Mike for the overnight Paddington Sleeper train to Devon- we watched the amazing conjuring tricks of our Trustee who is also a registered children’s entertainer.

Blowing up and folding balloons into animal shapes with the dexterity of a Tesco shelf stacker, Brian amazed the (fortunately) tiny gathering left. Sir James, SSAT Chair and our host, had already gone and so the embarrassment was not too great! He literally missed a trick- thank goodness.

Clutching the compulsory freebie- a rather novel credit card-style memory stick, they dashed for their train, leaving a trail of burst balloons behind them, and I prepared for an early morning return to History interviews the next day. So far this week we have appointed five new teachers. At least the seagulls haven’t scared them off.