ALL DIETERS NOW

A new Government report claims that the next generation, today’s South Dartmoor students, may lead shorter lives than their parents. The cause: over-eating, being over-weight – obesity. Since this is bound to become the responsibility of schools (aren’t we to blame for all society’s ills?), I am expecting a new Government target to sort the problem.

In the School Performance Tables, published annually, next to the number of students gaining five A*-C passes at GCSE, we may soon see a column to judge the weight of students in each school. Why? Well the Government has always believed if it moves they should measure it. And this is certainly a measurable target. The higher the average weight of the year group, the lower the success rate of the school.

Nervous headteachers around the country will be waiting with fingers crossed in the summer to hear not just how many GCSEs their students have gained but how they score on the bathroom scales. I can hear the OFSTED inspector now asking for data on body mass ratios. Schools may be put into special measures because they fail the obesity target.

Staff this week have also had their own weigh-in sessions or at least this is what they’re being described as by one senior educationalist. All teachers, we are told, should come to share practice and exchange ideas on a regular basis, in the way that Weight Watchers support groups work. Well, we have introduced what we are calling Learning Hubs – on teaching not eating. The Hubs were a great success because of the lead from our teacher assistants and some excellent choreography from Rachael Hutchinson. Does she still teach Dance?

Meanwhile in Assembly this week, Phil Randall also took on a lead role, giving an Oscar winning performance, portraying a younger me driving through rural Africa in the 1970s. To be fair, this was pure improvisation and actually he didn’t look anything like me, but I am not going to mention flab in this paragraph.

But, there have been some naughty distractions. In order to persuade staff to offer evaluations on the Performance Management Scheme, Nat Parnell is providing chocolate bar rewards. Large bars of obesity-creating confectionary are now appearing in staff pigeon holes.

At the Governors’ session this week, healthy vegetables and dips kept us munching through the meeting. There was much discussion of new dining facilities to help us improve the quality of life for students

The new cycle initiatives, the extensive range of clubs and activities, Scoffers’ healthy food and the fact that no-one at South Dartmoor ever sits still, all suggest to me that we might do rather well in the Obesity League Table targets. I might even write to the Government to propose they introduce them soon. Bring it on.